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Have you made the most important decision of your life? Where will you spend Eternity? To make heaven is as simple as ABC- Accept you are a sinner, Believe that Jesus died for your sin and Confess HE is Lord.

5 Jun 2007

Becoming one flesh? When?

Just My Opinion!

When the bible says that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” I believe becoming “one flesh” should ONLY happen in marriage. Many single people especially ladies in relationships are jumping the gun and already becoming one flesh with their partners. Am not talking about sex, that is a diferent topic on its own. I am actually talking about ladies that do not have lives of their own anymore but are glued to their boyfriends or fiancés. I am saddened when I see ladies behave so sheepishly. Some girls in the name of love abandon their girlfriends when they start a new relationship revolving their world around their men. The guy gets tired of the relationship, dumps girl and the girl is left stranded with no friends. Being in love is good, sweet, heavenly etc but we should not let our love become something else in the process.

A good friend of mine said to me: “In a relationship 1 + 1 = 3". I asked him to elaborate on this. He explained that when you are married you become one with your partner because you practically start a new life together, suppose to start having sex (spiritual oneness..some deep stuff we can't go into now) but when you are single and in a relationship, the girl has her life (1), the guy has his life (2) and they “their life” (3). Meaning that both the girl and guy should have both individual and common interests. I totally agree with this analysis. This way there is a balance in the relationship. When there is no balance, one person will always feel choked in the relationship and this can be disastrous.

Typical examples of "clingy" behavior:
- When you are the only girlfriend at your girlfriend’s birthday get-together. The men at the get-together are friends of your friend’s boyfriend and the other girls are girlfriends to these guys.
- When a girl can’t go anywhere – parties, outing with other friends etc except Mr. boyfriend comes along
- When everything a girl talks about is remotely or directly linked to her boyfriend. She must always mention boyfriend name in every sentence. Personally I don’t have an issue with girls talking about their boyfriend but am sure we can have a decent conversation without his name been mentioned in every line!
- Mr Boyfy has to endorse everything she does, wears, spends etc.

I can go on and on about examples but that is not the point. The point is ladies need to reach a point in their lives where they don’t have to rely on mr. boyfriend for everything.Ladies that are overly dependent on their men are setting themselves up for a BIG fall either now or in the future. The irony of the matter is that guys in relationship still hang out with their friends …so why can’t ladies take a cue from guys…why do you feel that until you forsake every thing for a guy he won’t/can’t love you. That is a lie from the pit of hell.

Even in marriage, becoming one flesh with your husband doesn’t mean not having a life of your own. Well am not married yet so I won’t even go there. So back to you my fellow singles, in relationships, about to marry etc please note that a mature guy respects an independent woman and not one that clings…Get a life, get a hobby, get passionate about something outside of the man in your life. You need it!

We have been called to live a purposeful life and this definitely involves more than the men in our lives. Selah

20 comments:

  1. great read. hmm my opinion differ a bit sha. I hope I get the time to put it up.

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  2. you are totally right.In as much as being with a boyfriend most ofthe time, any healthy relationship needs a little time away from each other.nice post!

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  3. Even in marriage, becoming one flesh with your husband doesn’t mean not having a life of your own. Well am not married yet so I won’t even go there. So back to you my fellow singles, in relationships, about to marry etc please note that a mature guy respects an independent woman and not one that clings…Get a life, get a hobby, get passionate about something outside of the man in your life. You need it!
    We have been called to live a purposeful life and this definitely involves more than the men in our lives. Selah

    Hear! hear!!to all that.. :)

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  4. @omodudu- I am curious to now what your opinion is and where it differs from mine...So pls find time to put it up..or else...lol

    @londonnaijachic & refinedone- thanks for checking my blog and for your comments. Also thanks for catching the vision :)

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  5. Well, I think the key thing here is balance not so much having seperate lives. You have a great point though.
    LBM

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  6. @LBM, thank u for your comment. You are right- having separate lives is not the message of my post. Like i stated before the two people should have individual and common interests.

    Having a balance in a relationship is the key point.

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  7. Oi,
    Ur blog's good! Any copyrighting benefits coming to me? Pls always let me know when u blog good stuff like that (not that u don't always do, but some of us aren't interested in Timi, West African Idols and stuff like that :)

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  8. This is a good read, and methinks the crux of your message is that people need to be confident in themselves and not exhibit insecurity in relatiosnhips. In as much as it is prevalent with ladies, some guys also show this symptom. This is a good read, you should start preparing for a book launch titled "My Memoirs". Have a good one

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  9. You won't change. Expressed some true and hard facts. Keep it coming on.

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  10. @biyo- lol...i didn't know you'd remember our conversation on 1+1=3. lol

    Sorry for boring you with my WAI gist.....at least it is over now..till season 2 commences ;)

    @olubunmi- u r very right...being confident and secure is key! God help us all.

    I also agree with you that some guys exhibit these behaviours but like we know women are typically on the receiving end, hence, part of the reason I directed my message to da ladies. :)

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  11. I love this post and I agree with you.

    It is important to establish boundaries in relationships (including boyfriend and girlfriend relationships).

    I like your point about the boyfriend and girlfriend being separate people (boundaries define who we are and who we are not).So, the challenge is striking an intricate balance: being separate people while at the same time, displaying unity (in purpose, mission). I think this is where boundaries will help.

    Let me add a couple of lines from an article I read:

    1. A successful relationship is composed of two individuals - each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity.

    2.Boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do.

    3.When two people with healthy boundaries enter into a relationship, they encourage wholeness, independence and a zest for life.

    Ok. I will stop there. Great post.

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  12. Tolted, most of your points are valid. When your life starts revolving too much around someone elses, such that you can no longer be defined without mentioning someone else, it's time to do some checking. Some might feel otherwise though...

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  13. Nice one! I agree with you though i must say that it's a bit hard living separate lives especially when you are married (i am)...you just have to keep a focus and know that two individuals make a relationship and not half of each...

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  14. Nice post. I agree that we should develop ourselves as individuals before we get into relationships. That way we are aware of our own identity even when we are in relationships. Society seems to define one person as "half-of-a-couple". That is wrong, each person is an individual in their own right.

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  15. Abeg go and remove comment moderation from this blog, otherwise, moderate comments more quickly.

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  16. @anonymous- thanks..i take that as a compliment :)

    @Niyi-men thanks for that profound comment.. This is suppose to be a blog entry on its on :)...defining BOUNDARIES in a relationship is important

    @Tayo- u have spoken! Besides me thinks that those that disagree need to do some soul searching, cuz its the simply truth...our identity should not be defined by another.

    @writefreak- Like I mentioned, am not married so this post was directly mainly at singles with a quick reference to the married. Am sure its a different ball game in marriage. You and Favoured gal (the married in the house) have told us the fundamentals. Thanks!

    @Favoured gal- Thanks gal! You are soooo right

    @Tayo- Sorry o...make una no vex...I will perform better next time

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  17. Everyone, thank you all for your wonderful comments...

    This post has received the largest response so far...

    You have all made my day :)

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  18. It's all about balance. I know I was guilty of losing myself in my marriage. The kids, husband, house issuses, etc...it's very easy to get caught up. Most important thing is to make/take time for yourself.

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  19. hi,am kehinde
    i read your blog religiously cause its so insightful...lol
    i run a mobile dating service and also a blog, i would like to request for permission to share this article (and other ones)... with the readers on my blog...would be so grateful...i'll alos add a link back to your blog...
    my blog name is http://18andabove.blogspot.com

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  20. hi kehinde, thanks for stopping by! thats really nice to know- didn't realise anyone reads my blog religiousily..lol

    Anyway please feel free to share my blog entries with readers of your blog. My aim &prayer is that my writing is a blessing to others so plsss by all means!

    I'll check ur blog out when i get home (at work now). Remain blessed!

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