Applying the 80-20 Rule

The Pareto principle (also known as the 80-20 rule, the law of the vital few and the principle of factor sparsity) was discovered by Vilfredo Pareto, an Italian economist. The law states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

Pareto, observed that 80 percent of the land in England (and every country he subsequently studied) was owned by 20 percent of the population. He also noticed that 80% of Italy's wealth was owned by 20% of the population. That's definitely the case in Nigeria as well.

Pareto's theory of predictable imbalance has since been applied to almost every aspect of today life.

The 80/20 rule can help you focus on what is really important in various aspects of your life. I have listed below a few application of the 80/20 rule:

Friendships- 20% of your friends probably give you 80% of the support, care and satisfaction you need. 20% of your relationships give 80% of the value. Learn to recognise people that fall into the 20% and improve those relationships. Those are your true friends.

Relationship/Marriage- In the Tyler Perry's movie, "Why did I get married?" a "version" of this law was referred to with a different twist to it. “In love and/or relationship you get about 80% of what you need from your mate. Sometimes we meet someone who has that other 20% that we are not getting and the 20% looks real good, but if you trade your 80% for that 20%, then you’ll really see how good you had it.”

Work- Approximately 20% of your efforts produce 80% of the results. Find your productive time/condition and make the best use of it. Personally, I find that I am more productive in the mornings. By afternoon, my brain begins to work on slow mode. Since I have recognised this, I try to do my 20% in the mornings to achieve maximum results for the day.

Possessions- 20% of what you own is used 80% of the time. We wear 20% of our favorite clothes about 80% of the time. Only a small part of what you own is used often. This might help you to de-clutter the junk in your home. I certainly need this tip!

We all have limited resources, be it our time, money, or attention. So to get the most out of them, it’s important to invest your resources in only the most profitable places.

Note 1: the 80/20 rules are approximates

Note 2: More details on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle

Note 3: I promised Rita I will do a post on the 80/20 rule based on a post she did, so this one is for you girl :)

Assertiveness Tips

Finally in today’s post I am going to share some everyday assertiveness tips that you might find useful. You might want to read up the introductory post here before continuing.


By the way, someone asked me after my introductory post what the difference is between being aggressive and being assertive. I must acknowledge that there is a thin line between aggressiveness and assertiveness. However two key differences when communicating or pushing back is in your tone of voice and body language. Assertive speaking often involves the use of "I" statements. For example "I feel upset when you take my book and don’t put it back where you found it," rather than, "You make me feel upset when you take my book and don’t put it back where you found it". When being assertive, there is no room for sarcasm or attack.



There are so many assertiveness tips out there but I have selected a few. All, some or none might be applicable to you.


Recognise that people are responsible for their own behaviour: have u ever been upset when a friend or loved one comes to you for advice and they go right ahead to do the exact opposite of what you advised them to do?! It can be very frustrating right? We can’t force our loved ones to do what we tell them and the earlier we realise this, the better for us. Sometimes we take the blame when people take the wrong step after we’ve warned/cajoled/begged them not too and the consequence is very grave. As much as we empathise with them, which is the best we can do, every man is responsible for his own behaviour.

Also speaking about behaviour, a common example that comes to mind is when people break up. The person who initiates the break up feels guilty and wants to rescue their ex from their pain. Unfortunately breaking up comes with pain and in as much as you were the one that initiative the break up, the way the ex deals with the pain is their responsibility and not yours. I know this sounds harsh but it is the truth. If we take it upon ourselves to be responsible for how they deal with their pain we would feel obliged to do anything for them even at the expense of our happiness and maybe another relationship. You keep wondering what the ex is thinking, u feel bad when you hear what they have said about you somewhere…and you can’t move on. That is definitely not a place where you want to be. The best you can do is pray that God will help them deal with their pain and move on with your life. We can’t play God.

Recognise that people are different and are entitled to their own point of view: We’ve just had a recent example of this on some blogs where people have had different opinions about an issue. This is bound to happen as people form opinions based on their background, religion, experiences, values etc. We should learn to listen to other people’s POV even if we do not agree as more often than not there is more than one different position for any given situation. By listening to what others have to say we might just learn something new and add to our knowledge base. Also we should be respectful when expressing our point of view.

Let other people know exactly what you want without making unclear requests: wouldn’t life be easier if people could know what we are thinking and we didn’t have to tell them. I for one will find it a relief. Sometimes we think if we drop hints the other person will get the message but this would most likely lead to uncertainty and expectations not being met. By communicating exactly what we want/need we leave no room for guessing games and this gives the other person a chance to respond suitably. For example, your friend wants you to pick up a book from the library on your way back from work because it is close to your place of work but you have a prior engagement you need to attend to and you know getting the book will delay your meeting. Instead of saying “Ok I will try to get the book” simply say something like “I would have loved to help but unfortunately that will mean I might run late for my meeting. Please could you make alternative arrangements to get the book”. That way your friend is not expecting you to get the book and depending on how urgent she needs it, will make other arrangements to get it. Remember you rejected the request and not the person.

Another example that comes to mind is when people get invited to an outing; they say they will try to make the outing knowing they have no plans to attend. People say that is being diplomatic but that is simply just a lie. I believe it is better to politely decline with your reasons so that way you are setting the person’s expectation at that point.

Don’t keep quiet when you have strong feelings about an issue: There are some issues not worth arguing over and sometimes the more mature thing to do is keeping quiet. Silence they say is golden. However when it comes to your health, your safety, your core values, or you know the price of keeping silence will result into anger or resentment it is better to speak up than suffer in silence. For example, your partner typical stays out late and this is a behaviour you cannot stand. This is not the time to keep quiet and hope he/she gets the message someday. This is the time to speak up, communicate how you feel about his/her staying out late and probably both of you can come to an understanding.

Take time out if you need to contain your anger: Have you noticed sometimes you find yourself getting angry during a conversation? At this point it is better to take a break from the discussion than continue. We can hardly communicate effectively when our judgement is clouded with emotions. When we feel much better we can come back and present our position more effectively. This is different from cutting off another person emotionally, which is a destructive tactic that some of us tend to do.

Think through your arguments before presenting them: Because we sometime think our opinion makes more sense than the other person we might tend to get lost in the trivial details that we forget the main points of our arguments. If we want to effectively get our point across we should think through the issues and get down to the core points. The other person might be much more willing to listen if your ideas are presented in an organised and consistent way.



So that's it for tips. I hope they made sense. Please feel free to share other assertiveness tips. Meanwhile I might be going on an assertiveness course at work, if it gets approved. Will let you know what I learn on the course. :)

You don’t have to catch the ball

There’s a new principle I have learnt lately that I will like to share with you. “When someone throws the ball at you, you don’t have to catch it”. Everyday, people (spouses, colleagues, friends, family etc) throw all kinds of balls at us and most of us think it is our duty to catch them. We see ourselves as heroes and pride in the ability to rescue our family and friends when they are in trouble. However when we do this often we sometimes begin to feel resentful, blaming others for taking advantage of us or for not giving us the respect we think we deserve. It is like a vicious cycle- you want to please everyone yet you are not happy because you feel manipulated.

Why do we find ourselves in situations like this? Maybe because we don’t want to look bad or we want people to like us or we simply have a rescuer mentality. It sometimes boils down to the ability to saying no. Before I continue please note that I am not saying we should never be there for our families and friends, what I am saying is that we choose when to be there. That way, we don’t blame others for taking up all our time since we made that choice to be available in the first place. The funny thing is when we choose not to catch the ball, the person will bounce their ball to someone else who eventually will catch it (shows you are not the only one in the world that can help).

Saying no does not mean you reject the person it simply means you reject the task or whatever it is they want you to get involved in. This is where assertiveness comes in. I read somewhere that assertiveness is “your ability to know who you are and what you stand for - and then to express these qualities effectively in everyday interactions with other people”. Assertiveness is a skill we all have to learn as it does not come to us naturally. People generally lean towards passiveness (trying to keep peace at all times) or aggression (resorting to violence when saying no). Assertion increases constructive communication and relationship between people.

The consequence of being assertive is that people respect your feelings and your boundaries. You know you have a right to express your opinions or beliefs even when it contradicts what others are saying or what they want you to do.

One area where most of us see ourselves catching the ball is picking up our mobile/phone when it rings. It's a strange one but it is true. Mobile phones can be a BIG time stealer. We pick up the phone and sometimes get involved in idle chats and later on realise that we haven't achieved much either at work or with the house chores. Sometimes when I am doing my house chores and my phone rings I let it ring out. My hubby gets upset with me when I do this but I tell him it is my mobile phone and I can choose to answer it or not. Besides I can always call this person back. More often than not if the call is really important the caller either leaves a message on my voicemail or sends me an sms. This is not to say I don't appreciate my friends or I don't want people calling me but I have learnt that I am in control of my time and can't catch the ball at that time. Speaking of which, I need to return some calls I missed this weekend!

Anyway, I hope you get the point I am trying to make. It might not apply to everyone but am sure someone out there needs to read this. Next time I will be talking about some assertiveness tips for everyday life. Meanwhile enjoy your week and remember when someone throws the ball at you, you don't have to catch it.

Guilty as charged!

In a rush

Gosh I feel so guilty…two nights ago (I was already dozing off sef) I got a call from my little cousin. “Sister Aloted, you didn’t even call to wish me happy birthday”. Oh my! I completely forgot it was my cousin’s birthday…I feel so so bad. "Aburo, jo ma binu simi jare, na old age cause am!" I feel worse that she actually had to call me at night -all the way from Naija -to remind me of her birthday…cuz on a good day I would have called to wish her happy birthday, so she had to call to find out what happened to her Egbon.

I guess you are wondering what my issue is. You see, I am not one to forget birthdays of my family and friends. This was a habit I picked up from my mother. Kai, my mother knows the birthday of everyone in the world! Ok ok..thats taking it too far, but she knows the birthday of almost everybody she has been in contact with in her lifetime and she makes sure she calls or sms you where ever you are in the world. Sometimes she will sms my siblings & I about so and so’s birthday and tell us to contact the person. Initially I saw it as a burden but now I know better. People are touched when you remember their birthdays (aren’t u happy when people contact you on ur day??). So if I can make someone’s day brighter by hollering on their birthday then so be it. Therefore I decided to emulate my mum and I am glad I did. My friends, all over the world, are almost guaranteed that I will contact them at least once in a year.

Hence the reason why I feel so bad about my cousin….in short this month has been crazy for me, I have not been good with my birthday greetings. I have been so wrapped up in my issues!!!!.. Anyway so before the month ends, I have decided to shout out to all my friends whose birthday falls in August especially: Kunle Duro, Jola Bamgbola, Aj Lawal, Ediri Akpojovwo, Ladi Osibo and of course, my cousin Seun ( I think there is one more person I am missing out...nawa for you Aloted..lol). "Happy Belated Birthday and wishing u many more wonderful years ahead."

Men, I have a busy weekend ahead of me…moving again (to where the job is)…one day I will settle down…lol.

Enjoy your weekend. :0)

Where is your treasure?

Don’t store up treasures on earth! Moths and rust can destroy them, and thieves can break in and steal them. Instead, store up your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy them, and thieves cannot break in and steal them. Your heart will always be where your treasure is.
Mat 6:19-21

Over the last one month, I have been hearing about different Nigerian investment schemes especially the High Yielding Investment Programs (HYIP) like Nospecto, Seftreg, Wealth Zone, Wealth Solution, Treasure Line etc. Apparently they have been in existence for some time now but I just “discovered” them recently. Everywhere I go I hear people talk about these schemes and how to make lots of money in a short while. Everyone including myself wants to gain financial freedom. I mean who wants to be in the rat race forever, definitely not me! I want to be able to live a very comfortable life, not depend on my salary and also invest ahead so that my children can live well. I am sure many people have a "similar" financial vision to mine.

Ok, so we all want to be wealthy, rich, set a legacy for our children but it seems that is all many people are doing- concentrating on storing up treasures on earth which can be destroyed or stolen. Who says any of these schemes cannot fizzle out tomorrow? If this is the case, that means we cannot depend solely on these schemes or wherever it is we are storing our treasure to give us the freedom that we so desire. So where does that leave us? One thing I love about God is that he does not leave you stranded, if he tells you what not to do, he definitely will tell you what to do, so there is a way out! In the passage above, we are commanded/advised/encouraged to store our treasures in heaven. Am sure you are asking, “So how on earth do I store my treasure in heaven?” Right question!

Well for starters you don’t have to literally go up to heaven to store your treasure there. You store your treasure in heaven here on earth. Getting confused? Ok, what I mean is, or what I understand from this Word is that to store my treasure in heaven I need to consecrate myself fully to God and help all men that are in need. How many times have people come to meet us to assist them but we send them away without helping them even when we are in the position to help? How many of us pay our tithes, donate money to missionaries, the orphans, the motherless, the prison ministries, the nonprofit organisations that help those in needs etc. Those were opportunities God gave us to store our treasures in heaven. This passage of the bible stresses this principle:

When I was hungry, you gave me something to eat, and when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I was a stranger, you welcomed me, and when I was naked, you gave me clothes to wear. When I was sick, you took care of me, and when I was in jail, you visited me." Then the ones who pleased the Lord will ask, "When did we give you something to eat or drink? When did we welcome you as a stranger or give you clothes to wear or visit you while you were sick or in jail?" The king will answer, "Whenever you did it for any of my people, no matter how unimportant they seemed you did it for me." Matthew 25:35-40

Each person on earth was created by God so any time we help someone in need we are doing it for God and he is the rewarder of all good deeds. It may not seem like it because you can’t see money multiplying in your account but when you invest in God’s people he will surely reward you here on earth. When they say givers never lack, believe it because it is VERY true. I have personally experienced and also heard testimonies of several people who do not necessarily invest their money in stocks and shares but are givers and they never want. God always meet their needs. This is because the bible says Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with what measure you mete it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

So dear friends, invest your money wisely. Lay up treasures that cannot be taken away from you. As you invest your money in schemes, stocks, shares etc, remember that it is far more rewarding to invest in people and in God’s work. Someone’s life can be saved today just because you invested in them. Selah