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Have you made the most important decision of your life? Where will you spend Eternity? To make heaven is as simple as ABC- Accept you are a sinner, Believe that Jesus died for your sin and Confess HE is Lord.

13 Oct 2011

Thou shall not argue in front of the children

So three people I tagged on the blow your trumpet post have chickened out and  informed me that it is too hard to blow one's trumpet (sigh). Should I call them out? Ok, ok I will help them save face. I know it is not easy to blurt out great stuff about yourself just like that however I hope they get round to doing it, even if they don't publish for the whole world to see. Many thanks to those who have blown their trumpet- GNG, Myne Whitman, Writefreak

Anyway moving on to today's post. I have a question for y'all- there is a school of thought that says never argue in front of your children. Ever heard that? I have, almost all my life. So, I was watching a Christian Women programme the other day and one of the ladies had another school of thought- Argue in front of the kids! That way they can learn how you resolve issues instead of making everything appear rosy dosy all the time. They went on to say because many people never saw their parents argue or because most arguments were resolved (or not) behind closed doors most people grow up not knowing how to resolve issues. And then the cycle continues.

So I'll like to know your thoughts- to argue or not to argue in front of the kids? This doesn't include shouting and beating each other up o in front of the kids (not that this should be happening at all). Think this only covers arguing amicably (thats possible, right?)

I look forward to your comments. I now declare the floor open :)
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  1. There is no denying the fact that sometimes couples argue.

    However, it is best if couples TRY as hard as possible not to argue within the hearing of their children.

  2. Ya thats what I have heard all my life but come to think of it, no one has given any reason why parents should not argue in front of the kids. Please can you give reason to support your argument..opps thought...thanks

  3. Well... I think it depends. Whatever argument you have must be done in a civilised way so the kids don't get upset. No raising of voices and no fits. That way the kids can learn to be civil in the midst of heated arguments. If you perceive that things can get REALLY heated then it's best to have whatever arguments where the kids won't hear you. I once heard a kid ask if mum and dad were getting a divorce cos they were having a heated argument! So let's keep it civil.

  4. Hmmm! Like Oluwakemi noted, arguments should be civil!

    In an attempt to answer your question, I think arguing in front of kids (I believe we are talking about kids between the age range of 0 to 13 years old) sends the wrong signals to the kids. Children tend to mis-interpret such actions. Their feelings would vary and if they fall under the category of kids that "talk"... you can imagine what they would say to their friends, aunties, uncles, teachers etc.

    I am of the firm opinion that every couple should be able to manage their arguments/differences amicably just between the two of them. Keep 3rd parties away!

  5. Nobody really knows when civil arguments can go nasty! It's very important to avoid arguing in front of the kids as much as possible. There's no way they will see things from the perspective of either of the parents doing the argument!

    And for the woman who thinks it will help the kids to learn how to resolve issues, I hope she also let the kids watch the final resolution in bed, as it happens in most cases!

  6. hmmm...loving the comments- thanks. pls keep them coming.

  7. I think arguing in front of the Kids is fine, but would also like to think it's okay, when the kids are in their teen-ages as the would know enough to see it's just an argument and also notice how Dad and Mum, were "cool" with each other.They can learn from that. This is for couples who have disciplined their spirits enough to keep it civil, like Olukemi pointed out.
    For those who can't keep a leash on things then. arguing in front of the kids is not the original problem.

  8. I'm not for arguing in front of the kids o cos speaking for myself, I mite loose the controlled front and raise my voice higher than I would naturally want

    Also, unless that argument is happening amidst laughter from the arguants, I kindda feel that it might send the wrong message to younger kids, perhaps when the kids are a bit mature, say in their teen, then maybe they'd understand better what is really going on

    My own opinion...

  9. i feel you jhazmyn- my voice can also be an issue when arguing.

    looks like the majority of us are concerned about younger kids getting the wrong message during an argument. Teenagers and above might be able to decipher what the whole argument is about and even "put mouth" lol.

    keep em coming peeps!

  10. I'm with Oluwakemi on this one....

  11. For issues that are 'rated' keep it in ur bedroom, totally out of their eavsdropping zone. However, for issues concerning food, money sometimes (e.g to buy christmas clothes or buy gifts for people), etc you may allow them... most importantly they should be aware of the solutions you profer to the problem.

  12. @P.E.T project- good to hear another perspective on this and I like what you said last, "they should be aware of the solution you profer to the problem". That way they learn how to resolve issues

    No point having unresolved arguments in front of the children.

  13. I think the onus is on the parents as individuals and as a couple to learn how to resolve issues in an amicable and low-key manner. There may be times and situations where it can't be avoided that the children be present, like when on holiday and in cramped quarters.

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  15. I am also with Dee here.

    In most arguments, one person ends up 'winning' or 'shutting down' the other person, children (under teen) would always mis-interpret and might even start to loose respect for one or both parents.

    A marriage is strictly between 2 people. Children, family, and friends are 'outsiders'

    There are so many things you need to teach your children about marriage, I don't agree that you have to do it all 'in front' of them just for the purpose of teaching

  16. I am with Dee! I would never want to argue with my husband in front of my kids. Things can easily escalate - that's human nature.

    Also, children are a lot more sensitive than adults are - an argument may be misconstrued as mummy and daddy getting a divorce or something as dramatic.

    I don't want to be a grandparent who goes to her daughter's house and sees her arguing "amicably" with her husband in front of the kids.

  17. I think it's okay to see parents disagree and resolve but full blown argumentation should be kept away from children. It all forms part of a child's memories I think. My husband remembers his parents never arguing.

  18. @myne- i agree with ur assessment

    @adura- thanks for your comment. Dee made a solid point

    @olufunke- hmm i like what you have said. u have summaried it well.

    @NN- lol @ not wanting to be a grandparent seeing ur daughter arguing "amicably" with her husband infront of her children.. I just tried to imagine that

    @chichi- yah i guess as long as the issue is not heated then it is fine. thanks for commenting

    Thanks everyone!

  19. I don't think parents should argue in front of their kids. Very minor disagreements or differences of opinion are okay, but definitely not full blown arguments.


I would love to know your thoughts :)