Life as a Blind Person- Interview

As a typical Nigerian, the little I "knew" about blind people was that they were illiterates or beggars on the street till I met Dr Ife Akintunde, when I went to do my masters in Lancaster. My perception changed completely. Ife is one of the most inspiring, intelligent, lovable, always willing to help and loving person I have met in my life (he is a blogger as well). He might not know but he inspires and motivates me. I learnt a lot from him during my one year in Lancaster, one of which is you can live a purpose fufilled life even with a disability.

I have been wanting to blog about my dear friend for a while now but didn't know where to start as there is so much to write about him so I decided to interview him. I was chuffed when he agreed to let us into his world. Thank you Ife!!!!

A bit of warning- this is a long read but I assure you totally worth it.

Ok let me not make this post any longer. Enjoy the interview.

Blowing My Trumpet

The other day Nolimit and I were talking about how it is very very easy to find negative things to say about ourselves yet difficult to find positive things to say. Society has taught us to focus on the negative and not to blow our trumpets. Some times when people pay me comlipments I would think they want to get someting from me with no hidden agenda! It was hard to believe they actually meant those things.  I would even say something negative to make them change their mind about that good thing! Nowadays I am learning to say thank you and move on.

We need to credit ourselves more and know that we are full of "good stuff". Wonderfully made with talents by God!

Anyway back to Nolimit She came up with an idea- she was going to blog about 10 things she was proud of about herself. You know, ten positive things about Nolimit. I thought it was brilliant idea and decided I was going to do same. I don't know if she has done it yet but I look forward to reading about Nolimit blowing Nolimit's trumpet. hehe

So here I am about to put myself out there.  No "but this or but that",  just 100% positive content. Honestly, you don't have to agree with me on any of the points but this is Aloted blowing Aloted's trumpet in the most positive way ever!  :)

1) I am a very good cook. I actually find cooking therapeutic. I paticularly love cooking jollof rice, fried rice, any type of rice really and efo elegusi and I have been told they are t'oh bad (GOOD). I have also been picking up some new recipes from 9jaFoodie.

2) If I need any information about anything I will find it. I love researching and finding out new things. I have had a number of people ask for my help when they need information about something and 99% of the time I get the information they need.


3) I am very determined and result oriented. When I put my mind to something or set a goal I always achieve it by God's grace

4) I know how to manage money. Infact I am the financial secretary of the Aloted household.


5) I have great organisational skills. I am very good at organising events, trips, meetings. I get commended at work for organising my meetings and workshops efficiently.


6) I consider myself a loyal friend.


7) I am excellent with using Microsoft Word, Excel, Access, Visio and Powerpoint. I self taught myself and always find a way round any problems on these application.


8) I think I have something called Practical Intelligence, which according to Robert Sternberg is "the ability to adapt to everyday life by drawing on existing knowledge and skills. Practical intelligence enables an individual to understand what needs to be done in a specific setting and then do it." This has helped me a number of time at work especially when I have no understanding of the project. This  also helped me during my Msc in Operational Research, where for more than half of the time I was very clueless on the subjects but I managed to pass all my exams.


9) I look way younger than my age. I used to find this very annoying before especially when some people try to take advantage of me but now I find it rather amusing and will even find it more appealing when I turn 40 and look 25 30 ;)

10) My eyes are probably my best physical feature. Chinese looking eyes (yes o!). Princess inherited them from me which makes her an absolute cutie. lol


Phew, this was actually harder than I thought. I had to thinkkkk. lol. Negatives thoughts kept coming but I make sure I edited and re-edited just to keep it all positive yet truthful.


Ok so now it is your turn ( you knew this was coming, didnt you??). If you enjoyed reading my 10 positive points above, then go on over to your blog and blow your trumpet.  Please let me know when you do so I can go read. I will tag a few people if nobody conforms o.

Much love,
Aloted


photo credits- google images.

"The Victor"

If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win, but you think you can't,
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow's will.
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later the man who wins,
Is the man who thinks he can.

By C. W. Longenecker

The way you think would affect your life hugely - either positive or negative. Start thinking positive thoughts today!

Ten things Tuesday (05)

Hi peeps hope you are all doing well?

Tuesdays are here again!!! Another day to give thanks. Here's the link to my last Ten things tuesday.

1. The sunshine we had this weekend was awesome. T'was nice to see the sun shining
2. Husby has finally barbed his hair, after so much begging & pleading! He looks all cute & boyish with his skin cut!
3. Two of my friends gave birth this past week
4. God delivered me from the hands of fraudsters (long story but it relates to my business)
5. I feel so much love around me and on blogville
6. The award I received on blogville from brownsugar is still tripping me. Thanks babes!
7. Grateful for my pastor and the work God is using him to do
8. The gift of love and life
9. Power of healing in my life
10. The Lord is good and his love endures forever!

What are you thankful for?

Last time I asked what you'll do if you feel you are always making contact with your friends and they don't. I appreciate all your answers and I think on a good day I'll take the actions the same way I listed them depending on how important I think the frienship is to me. The answer that particular struck me was from Abbie:

"About your question, it's strange that U never keep track of who contacts who, I just know when me and my friends get together we have the best times regardless of who called who"

So that is where the problem is- me keeping track of who makes contact first! Hmm. It dawned on me that only an idle person (I use that word idle loosely) will sit down and be counting who called who first and when. Just because some friends do not call/email me does not mean they do not care. They probable have issues they are trying to sort out in their lifes. If I have the urge to call them I should go ahead and do so. Who knows I might be a source of blessing to them at that point. On the last day, God will not ask me how many friends I had but how many people I was a friend to.

I feel like I am rambling so I'll just stop here. However, I hope I make some sense to at least somebody ;-)

Enjoy the rest of your week dearies. :-)

Assertiveness Tips

Finally in today’s post I am going to share some everyday assertiveness tips that you might find useful. You might want to read up the introductory post here before continuing.


By the way, someone asked me after my introductory post what the difference is between being aggressive and being assertive. I must acknowledge that there is a thin line between aggressiveness and assertiveness. However two key differences when communicating or pushing back is in your tone of voice and body language. Assertive speaking often involves the use of "I" statements. For example "I feel upset when you take my book and don’t put it back where you found it," rather than, "You make me feel upset when you take my book and don’t put it back where you found it". When being assertive, there is no room for sarcasm or attack.



There are so many assertiveness tips out there but I have selected a few. All, some or none might be applicable to you.


Recognise that people are responsible for their own behaviour: have u ever been upset when a friend or loved one comes to you for advice and they go right ahead to do the exact opposite of what you advised them to do?! It can be very frustrating right? We can’t force our loved ones to do what we tell them and the earlier we realise this, the better for us. Sometimes we take the blame when people take the wrong step after we’ve warned/cajoled/begged them not too and the consequence is very grave. As much as we empathise with them, which is the best we can do, every man is responsible for his own behaviour.

Also speaking about behaviour, a common example that comes to mind is when people break up. The person who initiates the break up feels guilty and wants to rescue their ex from their pain. Unfortunately breaking up comes with pain and in as much as you were the one that initiative the break up, the way the ex deals with the pain is their responsibility and not yours. I know this sounds harsh but it is the truth. If we take it upon ourselves to be responsible for how they deal with their pain we would feel obliged to do anything for them even at the expense of our happiness and maybe another relationship. You keep wondering what the ex is thinking, u feel bad when you hear what they have said about you somewhere…and you can’t move on. That is definitely not a place where you want to be. The best you can do is pray that God will help them deal with their pain and move on with your life. We can’t play God.

Recognise that people are different and are entitled to their own point of view: We’ve just had a recent example of this on some blogs where people have had different opinions about an issue. This is bound to happen as people form opinions based on their background, religion, experiences, values etc. We should learn to listen to other people’s POV even if we do not agree as more often than not there is more than one different position for any given situation. By listening to what others have to say we might just learn something new and add to our knowledge base. Also we should be respectful when expressing our point of view.

Let other people know exactly what you want without making unclear requests: wouldn’t life be easier if people could know what we are thinking and we didn’t have to tell them. I for one will find it a relief. Sometimes we think if we drop hints the other person will get the message but this would most likely lead to uncertainty and expectations not being met. By communicating exactly what we want/need we leave no room for guessing games and this gives the other person a chance to respond suitably. For example, your friend wants you to pick up a book from the library on your way back from work because it is close to your place of work but you have a prior engagement you need to attend to and you know getting the book will delay your meeting. Instead of saying “Ok I will try to get the book” simply say something like “I would have loved to help but unfortunately that will mean I might run late for my meeting. Please could you make alternative arrangements to get the book”. That way your friend is not expecting you to get the book and depending on how urgent she needs it, will make other arrangements to get it. Remember you rejected the request and not the person.

Another example that comes to mind is when people get invited to an outing; they say they will try to make the outing knowing they have no plans to attend. People say that is being diplomatic but that is simply just a lie. I believe it is better to politely decline with your reasons so that way you are setting the person’s expectation at that point.

Don’t keep quiet when you have strong feelings about an issue: There are some issues not worth arguing over and sometimes the more mature thing to do is keeping quiet. Silence they say is golden. However when it comes to your health, your safety, your core values, or you know the price of keeping silence will result into anger or resentment it is better to speak up than suffer in silence. For example, your partner typical stays out late and this is a behaviour you cannot stand. This is not the time to keep quiet and hope he/she gets the message someday. This is the time to speak up, communicate how you feel about his/her staying out late and probably both of you can come to an understanding.

Take time out if you need to contain your anger: Have you noticed sometimes you find yourself getting angry during a conversation? At this point it is better to take a break from the discussion than continue. We can hardly communicate effectively when our judgement is clouded with emotions. When we feel much better we can come back and present our position more effectively. This is different from cutting off another person emotionally, which is a destructive tactic that some of us tend to do.

Think through your arguments before presenting them: Because we sometime think our opinion makes more sense than the other person we might tend to get lost in the trivial details that we forget the main points of our arguments. If we want to effectively get our point across we should think through the issues and get down to the core points. The other person might be much more willing to listen if your ideas are presented in an organised and consistent way.



So that's it for tips. I hope they made sense. Please feel free to share other assertiveness tips. Meanwhile I might be going on an assertiveness course at work, if it gets approved. Will let you know what I learn on the course. :)

You don’t have to catch the ball

There’s a new principle I have learnt lately that I will like to share with you. “When someone throws the ball at you, you don’t have to catch it”. Everyday, people (spouses, colleagues, friends, family etc) throw all kinds of balls at us and most of us think it is our duty to catch them. We see ourselves as heroes and pride in the ability to rescue our family and friends when they are in trouble. However when we do this often we sometimes begin to feel resentful, blaming others for taking advantage of us or for not giving us the respect we think we deserve. It is like a vicious cycle- you want to please everyone yet you are not happy because you feel manipulated.

Why do we find ourselves in situations like this? Maybe because we don’t want to look bad or we want people to like us or we simply have a rescuer mentality. It sometimes boils down to the ability to saying no. Before I continue please note that I am not saying we should never be there for our families and friends, what I am saying is that we choose when to be there. That way, we don’t blame others for taking up all our time since we made that choice to be available in the first place. The funny thing is when we choose not to catch the ball, the person will bounce their ball to someone else who eventually will catch it (shows you are not the only one in the world that can help).

Saying no does not mean you reject the person it simply means you reject the task or whatever it is they want you to get involved in. This is where assertiveness comes in. I read somewhere that assertiveness is “your ability to know who you are and what you stand for - and then to express these qualities effectively in everyday interactions with other people”. Assertiveness is a skill we all have to learn as it does not come to us naturally. People generally lean towards passiveness (trying to keep peace at all times) or aggression (resorting to violence when saying no). Assertion increases constructive communication and relationship between people.

The consequence of being assertive is that people respect your feelings and your boundaries. You know you have a right to express your opinions or beliefs even when it contradicts what others are saying or what they want you to do.

One area where most of us see ourselves catching the ball is picking up our mobile/phone when it rings. It's a strange one but it is true. Mobile phones can be a BIG time stealer. We pick up the phone and sometimes get involved in idle chats and later on realise that we haven't achieved much either at work or with the house chores. Sometimes when I am doing my house chores and my phone rings I let it ring out. My hubby gets upset with me when I do this but I tell him it is my mobile phone and I can choose to answer it or not. Besides I can always call this person back. More often than not if the call is really important the caller either leaves a message on my voicemail or sends me an sms. This is not to say I don't appreciate my friends or I don't want people calling me but I have learnt that I am in control of my time and can't catch the ball at that time. Speaking of which, I need to return some calls I missed this weekend!

Anyway, I hope you get the point I am trying to make. It might not apply to everyone but am sure someone out there needs to read this. Next time I will be talking about some assertiveness tips for everyday life. Meanwhile enjoy your week and remember when someone throws the ball at you, you don't have to catch it.

Dekunle Fuji- "Mo like Jesu gan" + 30 Days of Thankfulness

Mennnnnnnnn this is the latest song am feeling o. I am not a fuji person but omo this track is da bomb. Makes fuji sound like the best- correct yahoozee fuji song.

I have been playing it all week...and trust youtube to have the video. Let me know your thoughts...

"le le le, le le le" ;) hehehehe





Ok I was tagged by writefreak on 30 days of thanksfulness. Am not sure what day of thankfulness this is but am going to go ahead and be thankfully!

I am thankful for the following reasons:

1. The gift of life- I am so glad I am one of the living. Only the living can praise the Lord
2. The gift of salvation- thank you Jesus for redeeming me from the power of darkness into your marvellous light
3. For my parents, for bringing me up in the way of the Lord. I wonder what my life would have been like otherwise!
4. For my siblings- they are simply the best
5. For my husband to be- you have taught me what love is. Thanks babes!
6. For my past, my mistakes- they have molded me to be who I am today and I can confidently say I have learnt from them and can help others in the future
7. For my present- nothing like being in the present
8. For my future- it is sooooooooo bright!!!
9. For my friends- you guys have blessed me in one way or the other.
10. For being me and not anybody else cuz there is just no one else like me. I am an original!!!

Ok I tag omodudu and tayoodukoya. I know you guys talk on politics and stuff but pls do this for me and for yourselves. Muahhhh

What is "right" with me??

Have u ever noticed that we are quick to ask ourselves “what is wrong with me?” when things seem out of control.

“Why am I not yet married?
Why is my husband/wife not like so and so?
Why don’t I have a better paying job?
God, why me? (And I ask- why not you?!)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???”

Does it automatically mean that when things are not going your way that something is wrong with you? I don’t think so because in life everyone has their fair share of woes.

Many of us grumble a lot when things don’t seem to go our way. Grumbling is certainly not an attractive trait. It gets to a point when your family and friends can't take your moaning and whining anymore.

As it ever occurred to you to ask yourself- “what is right with me?” Seems like a strange question to ask but I believe that if we start focusing on what is right with us, we might have the right attitude towards life and not think we’ve been cursed or some thing.

So what is right with you?

• You are alive today- someone died during their sleep


• You have food to eat- so many have nothing to eat


• You can wake up whenever, go where ever anytime you want- ask the married they need "permission" from their partners before they can hop and go


• Your husband sits at home lazing around watching football after work- some women don’t know where their husbands have been for the past two nights


• You are free to pursue your dreams, you and your husband can travel around etc- those with children will need to "readjust" (removed "saddled with that responsibilties")
  
• Your job pays the bills- some people have been searching for a job since they left school

I can go on and on but I believe you are getting my point. This is the real world, bad times are defintely going to come but don't give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. If only we can change our focus. I know it is easier said than done but if we want to be appealing to others around us, enjoy life and maintain a good attitude we need to be more thankful to God for the good he has done and is doing in our lives.

07.07.07

Just thought to remind us in blog world that today is 7-7-7, an occurence we shall never again have in our life time! Wow, sounds freaky. LOL...

On a more serious note, 7 is also God's number for perfection. I pray that God's WILL for your life will be made perfect in Jesus Name. Every crookend way will be straightened, everything concerning your finances, relationships, health etc will be perfected. A door of opportunity will be opened to you today.

Bask in today, make the best of it, enjoy the moment, forgive those who have hurt you, show someone love today.

Rejoice cuz this is day that the Lord has made :)

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By d way Happy Birthday Sika on this perfect day. Hope you had fun :)

"Let them say..."

"Don’t take things personally. Most of the time whatever is going on around you and the reactions you encounter have very little to do with you. The response has to do with the accumulation of many experiences that particular person had before he or she even got to you."

- Michelle McKinney Hammond

Sometimes we need to be reminded of some things we already know. I read the above in an article written by Michelle Mckinney (I love her books!) today and I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders (the past week has not exactly been the best of weeks for me). These words have just made me realise again that I will make some decisions and people will get offended, they will misjudge me, they will misconstrue what I say based on their past experiences. This tells me, I cannot be held accountable for people's feelings or reactions towards me. I can only be held responsible for my own actions. God sees and knows my heart and it is to him I am accountable to.

Do you feel bad because others misjudged you? I can imagine how you feel, because I have just been there and it is not a healthy place to be. Lets try not to take it personal. I hope the words above make enough sense to you like it did to me because it is TRUE.

Please feel free to share your experiences. Any words of encouragement for me and others feeling misunderstood will also be appreciated. Thanks!

Will Training (for those who want to improve their attitude :))

You might agree with me that we live in a “Me” centered world. Most people will only help others as long as it is convenient for them. I remember as a kid, in Sunday School we were taught that to have JOY in our lives, we must put Jesus first, Yourself last and Others in between. As we commence the Easter season, we must emulate Christ on living a selfless live. Even till the point of his death on the cross he thought of others and not of himself.

Anyway today what I really want to talk about is on training your will. Most people feel/think they do not have any control over their attitudes, moods and emotions. I say to you that this is a lie. As human beings we have control over what we think, how we feel and how we behave. This is one difference between us and other creatures of God. I guess the reason why most people believe this lie is because they have not trained themselves to be in control. So today, I would like to take you on a journey of training your will by doing the following tasks:

1. Smile when you’ll rather frown
2. Say a gentle word when you’ll snarl
3. Do a kind deed, however simple, when you’ll rather take your ease
4. Think a good thought when you’ll rather not think at all
5. See something beautiful in every disagreeable task
6. Speak only good about those who cross your path
7. Deny yourself some little thing each day
8. Be joyful even in the face of sorrow and misfortune
9. Give thanks to God even for those things which try your soul

You can start by taking the first task and training yourself on that- "Smile when you'll rather frown". Write it down on post-it notes, on your note book, think about it constantly, say it out to yourself every morning when you wake up till it becomes stuck in your mind. Now actualizing it might be difficult the first time, especially if you are upset and you dont even feel like smiling at anybody, but just try it out..u might not feel it in you, it might come out fake but just smile!.. I believe you'll get better at it. Also you can tell your friends, family, loved ones about what you are doing. That way you are accountable to them and they can remind you when you are going off course. Tough hey!

When you master the first task you are ready to move on to the next, till you have trained your will on each task. At the end of it all am sure your attitude will improve exponentially. This might take a while but I think it is worth your time.

I know this can be very arduous but with God on your side and determination in your heart you can do it. Am starting my training today! ;o)

Please feel free to share your experiences with me or on any other tips on how to improve one's attitude. :)